One thing we need to recognize is when a man wants to be trash and stay trash. There’s some business equation out there that can easily explain why investing any energy in this type of person is a full waste of time.
I’ve rid myself of trying to “convince” trash men that I am a person and that other women like me are people and that other women unlike me are people. When I say women unlike me, I mean women who are not pursuing PhDs, may have never set foot on a college campus and can’t relate to “sophistiratchet” memes with twerking on one half and a graduation gown on the other.
I had a conversation yesterday with a male friend of mine and we were talking about this very thing. He shared a story with me about a black male who proclaimed that because his father wasn’t in his life, he is now trash and as a result tells women who come his way that he is trash and they should expect nothing more.
Why do they say dumb crap like this?
Many black men enjoy victimhood. They enjoy victimhood because they get to absolve themselves of responsibility for life. They tap into a perpetual state of being “wronged” by every damn body including the black women who birthed them. By the aforementioned person assuming his life is trash by the absence of a father, he is also indicting the way he was raised by his mother (assuming that he was raised by his mother). And that’s what many black men are doing when they claim that they have been malnourished without the presence of their sperm contributors. (I also recognize that some don’t have fathers because of tragedy). The idea the mere presence of this man would have made life better also sheds light on how little they regard the strength, determination, and general contributions of black women.
Have a conversation with black men about social justice for the black community where black men are not centered. See how quickly that shit falls apart. Trash black men are narcissists. They will quickly make sure that the black community is centered around themselves. This is why those conversations about Bill Cosby and R Kelly don’t go too right. They’ll do everything they can to justify themselves and center themselves as the white man’s victim and they want to always be recognized as such. They’ll tell everybody that the white man just wants to see Bill down, and that the young “legal” girls that R Kelly can’t seem to get away from are just disobedient whores. All this, so they can continue to be centered as the official victims of the Black community so and enjoy the freedom from responsibility this affords.
Why am I saying this?
Because I need for us black women who romantically love Black men to stop internalizing their trash. Don’t be that woman on the receiving end of “I ain’t shit so… don’t what you want with that”. Don’t accept that. And don’t try to change any man who proudly proclaims that there is nothing in him to be desired but still wants to enter the depths of your soul with his Vienna sausage. There’s nothing to gain from that. Unless you’re at peak hoeness and apply all the principles of Cardi B theology to a trash situation and come up off lovely off that man, leave that man alone. I beg of you to let that man flop in his trash by himself.
But then what to do if that trash seems to really to be washed and sanctified and made whole? Trash does not have to stay trash. But it is not your job to clean it up.